Exiles:

Exiles are parts of us that carry the emotional pain, trauma, and vulnerability from past experiences—often rooted in childhood. These parts hold intense feelings like shame, fear, sadness, or loneliness and are typically “exiled” by the system to protect the person from being overwhelmed. Because their pain is so raw, other parts (like Managers and Firefighters) work hard to keep them suppressed. However, when triggered, Exiles can flood a person with distress. Healing in IFS involves reconnecting with these parts through the compassionate presence of the Self, allowing them to release their burdens and feel safe again.

Firefighters:

Firefighters are protective parts of us that act impulsively to distract or soothe a person when emotional pain from Exiles surfaces. Their goal is to quickly extinguish overwhelming feelings by any means necessary, often through reactive behaviors like addiction, overeating, dissociation, anger, or self-harm. While their actions can be extreme or harmful, Firefighters are not malicious—they’re desperate to protect the system from emotional overload. Unlike Managers, who work preventively, Firefighters respond in the moment. Healing in IFS involves helping Firefighters trust the Self and learning healthier ways to protect the system without suppressing or harming vulnerable parts.

Managers:

Managers are protective parts that work to maintain control over a person’s internal and external environment. Their main goal is to prevent emotional pain by managing daily life, suppressing vulnerability, and avoiding situations that might trigger wounded parts (Exiles). Managers often take on roles like perfectionism, criticism, people-pleasing, or overthinking. They are proactive, trying to keep the system stable and functional, but can become rigid or exhausting over time. Though they may seem harsh, Managers act out of care and fear, striving to protect the person from discomfort, shame, or emotional overwhelm.

The Self:

The Self is the core of who we are—an innate, undamaged presence characterized by qualities like calm, compassion, curiosity, and confidence. Unlike the parts, which carry specific emotions or roles, the Self is not wounded or reactive. It serves as the natural leader of the internal system, capable of healing and harmonizing the parts. When the Self is accessible, it can approach each part with understanding and care, allowing deep healing to occur. IFS therapy focuses on helping individuals access and embody the Self, restoring balance and fostering inner peace, clarity, and emotional resilience.

How IFS Helps

Healing through IFS starts by helping us develop a compassionate relationship with our internal “parts.” Through guided self-inquiry, we learn to unblend from reactive parts like Managers and Firefighters and connect with our core Self—a calm, curious, and caring inner presence. From this place, we can listen to each part’s story, understand its fears or burdens, and offer it healing and relief. Exiles are gently unburdened from past pain, while protective parts are supported in finding new, healthier roles. This internal harmony reduces inner conflict, emotional overwhelm, and self-sabotage, leading to greater clarity, balance, and lasting psychological and emotional healing.

Ready to start on your journey of healing? At Polaris, we’re ready to help heal your wounds in an inclusive, non-judgmental environment. Learn about our insurance options and contact us below to ask any questions you might have about IFS or any of our therapy options.